Kurt Cobain (Nirvana)

Kurt Cobain 1967 - 1994

"It's better to burn out, than to fade away"
This site is a tribute to Kurt Donald Cobain, his life, his work and what he believed in. I feel compelled to join the many others, all over the world, in morning his death. The story of Kurt Cobain is one of the sadest, most tradgic, yet true influences of my generation. I can relate so much to the way he lived, the things he believed in and the world he viewed. I think, that there are not many people in this world that can relate to Kurt or understand his way of thinking but i am one of them and if you are able to read his poetry and lyrics listen to his songs and "understand" you are too. Kurt reached out and touched our hearts, and that is where he will remain, forever. Peace, love, empathy.
In this internet site i have tryed to cover as accurately as possible, the life, and, death of Kurt Cobain. There have been so many mis-truths, rumors, aligations and theories about one of the most talented artists this century has seen and lost. Many people don't know Kurt's story, unbelievably many people don't know who Kurt Cobain is/was. There have been so many atempts to control the story that it has gone un heard. A shrowd has been put around the whole subject and only people who have searched have been able to find the truth. Thanx to modern technology and many. many, many hours of reasearch i am able to produce it to the public. I am going to make sure that this site is promoted and shown to as many people as possible, that is if it is not deleted in another atempt to control the truth.

There is alot of reading here, i have tryed to present all the facts and no opinions so you are able to judge for your selves. Please take the time to explore all of my site, even if you have to make several visits, read all the evidence for your self as it has taken alot of time and effot to produce and contains the story you are not ment to read. I think it is something that everybody should know about. The true story of Kurt Cobain.

The next page "The life of a Legend" explains and portrays the background of Kurt. His childhood, how he grew up and his transition into the music world until the point before his death.

The page following that "The death of a Legend" plots the tragic death of Kurt Cobain and the circumstanses that surround it, and a chance to read the actule suiside note written by Kurt.

You can also see the documented evidence of the death for yourself, on the evidence pages, starting "All" the evidence ", including official police dept docutments and reports on Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain.


The life of a Legend

The story of Kurt Cobain is a story of great talent, hardship and tragedy. But it is a story that needs to be heard and one i think we can all relate to in some way.

Kurt was born in 1967 200 miles away from Seattle in the small up state logging town of Aberdine. He lived there with his parents and sister and was introduced to music at a very young age, by his aunt. At seven years of age his life took a drastic change. His parents divorced and he was forced to look at the world in a different light.

As the home situation became more unbareable for Kurt he was ferried between houses, staying with different relatives and friends. He spent many nights sleeping under the bridge at the end of his street (the bridge imortalised by his song Something In The Way) here he would spend the time alone writting his first lyrics. Kurt had by this time become very alienated from other people and life, he was very detacted and emotionally inwood. He didn't have any real friends at school to talk to and all the other guys he knew didn't want anything to do with him cause they thought he was wierd or gay.
He would use most of his time in high school to cut class and go to the libary and read whatever he could lay his hands on. He would listen to various types of music including The Beatles, but, living in a small town he could never get the chance to listen to the music that really interested him. Eventually he got a tape of some Punk Rock his friend got for him from Seattle. He then knew that this type of music was going to be his escape, a way out from the life he hated to point of despare. By this time Kurt had turned 15 he had already learned to play guitar so the process of forming a band, with the help of his Aunt, was a natural progression, Nirvana was born. Kurt did not really like the music of the bigger rock bands like the Sex Pistols, Rolling Stones and Aerosmith, he felt there lyrics were sexist and pointless with no meaning. Kurt was a very sensitive and emotional person and this shows though in this songs.
Kurt moved to Seattle to live with his only true love, before he was famous, Tracy Merander, imortalised in his song "about a girl". He stayed with her for three years, happerly, and at the time was working on songs for the Bleach album. He was also a very talented artist and would enjoy spending time painting or sculpting, giving much of the work he produced to Tracy. Although his life was now fairly stable he had many troubles with him self and his life. He did not feel emotionally secure and this was often portrayed in his art work especially his sketches, drawings and paintings. He found it hard to hold down a job and work on the band, he spent most of his time living with Tracy working at a doctors surgery as a janeter. Life was becoming a downward spiral in the eyes of Kurt.

Kurt's band, Nirvana, began to reach a local audiance, as it's cult following grew accros America and the world Kurt started to feel more and more isolated. He very rarely got to spend time with the people that had come to mean something to him as he had grown up though those troubled early years. As his fame grew and the band beacme even more famous the pressure mounted, Kurt's body guards and minders were always with him and his friends became more cut off, to a point where they could not get to talk to him at all. Kurt hated the fame, he felt so embaresssed by it all, riding in big expensive cars and staying in luxurious hotels embaressed him to a point of despare, he was a humble person, and he felt that the lifestyle he was being forced to lead went against everything he believed in and stood for. One time Kurt was riding in a limo to play at a gig in Seattle, his friend Amy was in the car with him and she has reported, that he explained to her, that usually they would take a van to gigs and that the limo was not a desision he had made. She says that he made apoint of stressing this to her the whole way, that was the last time she saw him.

Kurt felt alot of resentment for his past and the way in which he grew up, not toward his parents, but more aimed at the world and the way that society was constructed. In Tellevision and radio interviews he would often talk about how screwed up the world was. That he didn't see how anybody could possibly consider bringing a child into the world the way it was. Kurt spent most of his life in depression, with the exeption of a few years in the early 90's, this is reflected in the music he wrote, but Kurt had reason to feel this way, the life he had was never close to what he wanted. The only thing that kept Kurt going though all the pressure, and, embaressment he felt towards fame, was the music he was producing and playing the world over. However his passion was slowly diminishing.

All the touring and pressure got to him in the end, Kurt became ill. His mother had suffered with stormach pains in her early 20's and Kurt had began to suffer the same illness. The doctors could not determin what was the cause, they put it down to stress. Kurt tryed to treat it with everything, but nothing would work. Often he would feel to ill to play, and this went on for a few years. Kurt was sick of feeling ill all the time and took the only thing left that would stop the pain. Kurt became an addict, another casulty of Heroin. In interviews he would stress that it was more for the "pain" than the "fame" being the reason for his heroin use, and that he hated and was continualy making an effot to control his habit and get off it completely.
Then, Kurt met Courtney. Courtney Love became a big part of Kurt's life in a relatively short space of time. Kurt's life took a drastic, sudden change. They got a place together in Seattle, got married and had a child, Frances Cobain. There relationship looked perfect from the outside, but most of the people that knew them said it was very turbulent and that Courtney was using Kurt, playing on his sensitivity. She had a very bad up bringing with heroin use going back to when she was 15 years old. She was an extremely violent person, ruthless and crazy in some of her actions towards other people, Kurt and fame gave her power and the stepping stone she needed to get to the top. Courtney is quoted as saying that they had a pharmacuticaly suited relationship. Although now Courtney has transformed her image and become a rock star and movie actress nominated for 2 acadamy awards. She will not talk about her past or time and involvement with Kurt Cobain. But like many others i think it is undisputible that Courtney was the "route of the cause" behind Kurt's death. Her own father claims she killed Kurt, and he has written several books about it. The book "Kurt Cobain, beyond Nirvana" was written, ironicaly, by Courtney's father and in it he declairs overwheming evidence supporting the murder theory. However the facts are that even if Courtney didn't pull the trigger she was the one to kill Kurt.

When Nirvana were doing there world tour 1993, the last tour they would ever do, Kurt was inteviewed back stage of a gig by Guitar World magazine. He didn't know it at the time but this would become one of the most famous interviews in history. Later haled as "The lost Interview" it was only published recently, nearly 4 years after his death. I can't give the url to it out or create a link to it for certain legal ristrictions. However i do recomend you read it, and i can tell you how to find it on the net. Go to the Alta Vista search engine, type kurt cobain. You should find a page titled "The lost Interview" in the first couple of pages of results, go to the begining of the interview, and read away.
The Interview showed a different Kurt to what we expected, he was happy and content with life. He is quoted as saying he hadn't been this happy since when he was 7, before his family break up. He spoke wisley about his "past" battle with heroin addiction and how he viewed life differently once in love. Where he had said in the past he didn't believe in bringing a child into the world, he corrected himself and said it ain't all really that bad. He speaks about meeting up with his dad and his childhood in Aberdine. It is an honest and indepth interview covering his whole life in his own words. However, shortly after that interview, Kurt's life would turn around again and this time he hit an all time low.

Kurt was in Rome for his birthday, and, he was supposed to meet with Courtney there. She did not go to Rome though. She was in London with the lead singer from the band Smashing Pumkins, it is said that they were having an affair. She then flew to Paris and Kurt was left totally alone, in Rome, without even seeing his daughter which he wanted so bad. Things had worsen'd in there marrige and there was talk of divorce. Courtney tried to pay a hitman none as "El Ducho" (who was mysteriously killed later in 1996 after talking to the media about it) $50.000 to kill Kurt. Still in Rome Kurt was becoming desperatly depressed and over dosed on heroin. It was said, by the media, to be a suiside attempt.

Kurt was flown to a rehabilitation clinic in Califonia to recover and quit his addiction. Courtney was still in Paris and did not comment on the news of her husbands over dose. Kurt got in touch with his best friend Dillon and asked him to purches a shot-gun. On April 2nd 1994 Kurt escaped from the clinic and flew back to Seattle. I don't think that Kurt asked his friend Dillon (imortalised by his song "in bloom") to get him the shot-gun with the intention of killing him self. I think Kurt had been thinking about his relationship with Courtney and knowing her violent nature, bought the gun a a precautionary measure. Dillon said that he would not have bought the gun for his best friend if he thought in any way he was suisidal.

The death of a legend

On the morning of the 8th of April 1994 the body of Kurt Cobain was discovered at his luxurious Seattle home, by an electrician due to fit a new sercurety system. The world was shocked. On the announcement of his death traffic stood still all over Seattle for hours and people were in disbelief all over the globe. The media in the western world went into overdrive as more and more facts and evidence about the suposed suiside poured onto our screens in the days that followed. Here is a quoted broadcast from CNN world news on april 9th 94.

"The music world stood still today, in disbelief, as news of the horrific death of rock star Kurt Cobain eco'd around the world. The 27 year old front man of the band Nirvana was discovered dead yesterday at his luxurious Seattle residence, after a self inflicted gun wound to the head. Cobains wife Courtney Love, who is currently in Paris, is said to be devistated at the news of her husbands death."

An electrician was preparing the house, to install a new sercurety system after Courtney had said that the home was not secure enough for her young daughter. About mid-way in his preperations he came to the garage. When he tryed to enter the door, even with the key it was blocked from behind. When he walked around the back of the garage to the small room above it he could see into the room though the french doors which had also been baricaded from the inside. On the floor in the centre of the room he could see a male body laying in a pool of semi dry blood with a 12 gage shot-gun laying on the chest. His first susspitions were that he was looking at the body of Kurt Cobain who he was aware owned the house. He then notified the police of his horrific discovery.

The first assumtion taken by the police at the scene was that the death was clearly a suiside and all the imidiate evidence pointed in that direction. Kurt was laying on his back with the shot-gun on top of his body. The but of the gun was between his ankles and the snub just above his belt. It was clear from the extent of his head traumer that the gun had been placed in the mouth and fired upward. The body had been laying undetected for at 4 days. Next to the body lay a wooden box containing several burnt spoons, pieces of tar and needles. On the neer side table lay a note. Although all seemed in it's place, and, the events that had taken place only a few days before seemed clear in the mind of the law officials, there were several things which did not add up.

The day before the body was discovered, on the 7th, a private detective, who had been hired a week earlier by Courtney Love, to keep tracks on Kurt, was trying to find him, after he found out Kurt fleed the clinic in califonia on the 2nd. He contacted Dillon, Kurt's best friend and together they searched the Seattle home. However, they failed to check the appartment above the garage where his body lay undetected.

The Note
The note that Kurt Wrote moments before his death clearly portrayed his feelings, and, is and always will be a testimony to his thoughts at time of his death. Readding the note for the first time was a very emotional moment for me. Many people say that the note was tampered with and the last 4 lines were added by someone else. There is no mention of death or suiside in the note and many believe that this note was not a suiside note at all, that i was a note annoucing that Kurt was leaving Nirvana. Which is likley. I have gone to alot of trouble to get a copy of the real thing on this page, but i feel everybody should be able to read it and form there own conclusions.
To Boddah:

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community had proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.

Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy,

Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I love you, I love you!

The note is addressed to Boddah. Boddah was Kurts only true friend and was always there when he needed him. When Kurt was young Boddah was his imaginary friend but as he grew older he knew Boddah as his soul, a vision of this perfect person, a model for how everybody should be. I think this is how Kurt invisioned the interaction with his own mind. Boddah was the only person he could ever count on, after so many others had hurt him. I think he felt guilty and that he had let himself down.